Imagining Community

Mar 24 / Isabel Dennis
What is community made of?
“Vulnerability is the essence of what creates community” Afifa Aza

What can community look like? 
“It looks like sovereign beings moving in coordinated action. It looks like choosing to rely on each other, not because we have to but because we want to. It looks like asking for help even when I don’t need it. It looks like knowing I can do something by myself but choosing not to because I remember that doing it together will be more fulfilling and will make it better.” Jonah Canner

How can we practice being in community?

Most of us have spent at least 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, 9 months a year for the better part of 12 years being given problems and questions to answer on our own. No sharing answers because that equals copying and you will get in trouble. No talking to your friends to figure it out because you have to solve it by yourself. And if you can’t, then you FAIL! Which makes you a failure and you will not pass your exams and end up living a horrible life.

But how many of us did everything right, passed our exams and still are struggling to make ends meet?

From Directors of multimillion USD organizations, to fortnightly workers, I have personally heard the same conversations: “I don’t want to be a burden”, “I prefer to give”, “I will figure it out on my own and if I can’t, I’ll just do without”.

I have also found myself saying these things and believing that I have to find the answers on my own. But experience is teaching me that that’s a lie. That this belief of self-sufficiency is in line with the philosophy of “divide and conquer”, which is in direct opposition to my philosophy that we are “stronger together”. 

If, in the name of self-sufficiency, we spend all our time figuring things out on our own, then when will we have time and resources to engage in community? 

While many of us understand in theory that together we are stronger, most of us have gotten more practice in being self-sufficient than in working together. Some of us are really great at showing up for our community in our power and beauty when everything is going well and even fewer of us can show up when things get challenging. 

How do we build community when life starts lifeing?

I can only share what I have learned in the last 15 years of trial and error:

  • Have the courage to lean in. Be brave enough to offer your challenges to the community with the belief that together we will find an answer that works for everyone.
  • Move slowly. Give yourself time to reflect and examine the underlying philosophy that you are using to make decisions. 
  • Be creative. I like to ask: What needs to happen for this to be a win win? Or How can we make this happen?
  • Cry & exercise. Might sound weird, but both crying and exercise help release tension in your body which helps you feel physically better. Then like magic, when you are physically better, your brain gets more resources to think better! (Btw exercise can be dancing, singing at the top of your lungs, shaking or any movement that leaves you with an increased heart rate.)
  • Be gentle with yourself. Very often we are extremely gentle with others and extremely harsh with ourselves. In times of turmoil within a community, being gentle with yourself is a huge asset. 

At the end of the day, we all get to decide how we want to exist in this world, and for me, that is in community with others, especially when things get hard. Unlearning self-sufficiency and remembering how to be in community is not for the faint of heart, but is it worth it? I surely think so!

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